“I hope you’re right, but it doesn’t matter. I can’t spend the rest of my life avoiding caring about someone because I’m afraid they’re going to leave me or run away.”
She raised her chin in a gesture of strength and defiance. He respected both her decision and her fearlessness. Self-examination was never easy. He knew that firsthand. But if Chloe hadn’t gone easy on herself—could he do any less?
He looked at the phone. He knew what his father wanted and why. Was that enough? Could he let go of the past and forgive an old man who had been driven by pain and loss? The adult side of him was willing to give it a chance, but the hurt child inside wanted restitution. Unfortunately there was nothing his father could do to make up for hurting him.
“Only if it feels right,” Chloe whispered.
It did.
He picked up the receiver and dialed the number from memory. His father answered on the first ring.
“It’s Arizona.”
“I didn’t expect to hear from you, son.” His father sounded surprised, but pleased. There was no wariness in his voice, no attempt to protect himself against possible attack.
Arizona glanced at his watch. “I didn’t realize the time. It’s after midnight. I’m sorry if I woke you.”
“You didn’t. That’s one of the ironies of old age. I have less to do with my day than ever before, yet I need less sleep. I could have used this time twenty years ago but that’s what happens.”
“I’m sorry I was such a jerk when you called earlier.”
The older man sighed heavily. “Don’t apologize. You have every right to be furious with me. What I did…I won’t try to excuse it. I was wrong. I’ve realized that over the years. I should have known that you and I could help each other out. But I was too caught up in my pain. I was so selfish.”
“I understand.”
“You don’t have to, son. Your mother—” His voice broke. “She was my world. When I lost her, I wanted to die, too. I didn’t care about anything or anyone. I’m so sorry about that. Even as I left you alone, I knew it was wrong. I knew she would be disappointed in me if she ever knew. But I couldn’t stop myself.”
“It’s okay.” He cleared his throat. “Dad, really, it is.”
Dad. He’d never said the word before. He’d always used “Father” or “old man.” Nothing friendly or personal.
Chloe moved close to him. He put his arm around her and squeezed. She was his lifeline in this unfamiliar sea of emotion.
“I should have come after you,” his father continued. “I didn’t want you to go away, but it was also easier to try and forget with you out of the country. I didn’t know about all you went through,” he said quietly. “With your grandfather. I thought he would take better care of you. I should have realized the truth. I’m sorry about that, too.”
Arizona suffered through a flash of guilt. “There were some tough times,” he said. “But it wasn’t all bad. I learned a lot. I wouldn’t be doing what I do today, if I hadn’t traveled all over the world.”
“I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but I know what I did and didn’t do. I was never a father to you. But if it’s not too late, perhaps we could get to know each other and become friends.”
Arizona thought of all the times he’d refused the older man’s invitations. Of all the times he’d sworn at him, hung up on him or ignored him. Yet his father was still trying, still asking to see him. His father was the only family he had. Why was he willing to let that bond stay broken?
His chest was tight and it was hard to speak. Even so he forced himself to say, “I’d like that. I’m going to be busy until I leave for the island, but we could get together when I get back.”
“Could I come see you this summer? On the island?”
Despite the emotion flooding him, Arizona couldn’t repress a grin. How would his banker father, a man who had only ever loved one woman in his life, who had mourned her for more than thirty years, survive in a society run for and by women? Visitors were often seduced by widows and unmarried females. Arizona had been in a couple of difficult situations himself until the shaman had taken him under her wing and offered protection.
“That might not be a bad idea,” he said. “I’ll get together some literature and send it along to you. If you decide you want to make the trip, you can let me know and I’ll meet you in Guam.”
“I’d like that, son.” His father cleared his throat. “It is late and I should probably let you go. Thanks for giving me another chance.”